Disguises

Sometimes I wish my heart shrunk three sizes,
So I wouldn’t have to wear all these disguises,
Like the one where I feel no pain,
Or the one where I am completely sane.

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12 Rounds

It seems my inspiration comes in waves,
Only arrives when I’m in pain, or on these rainy days.
It used to come into view, back when I loved you.
My Muse, skipping time with the dudes.
Just to be with you.
Now I’m left feeling.
Like my heart’s gone 12 rounds.
Every round I’ve been knocked down.
These punches leave me reeling.
Kneeling on the ground.
Trying to figure this whole thing out.
If love were a river, I think I’m in a drought.
What I’ve found out, I’ll never be the winner.
Been on the losing end my whole life.
I used to get KO’d every night.
Faded, like I was lacking light.
Trying to take flight, to forget this life.
Forget how lonely I am.
Forget how I have no friends.
Besides the few, one of them being you.
What am I to do.
When all I wanted was you.
You left me black and blue.
It’s nothing new, it’s surreal.
I miss the view, miss that smile.
Those brown eyes that shimmered like mahogany.
But like the latest fashions, I went out of style.
Too quickly, to put it simply.
I gave you all the life I had left.
Now I’m left drained and in distress.
Literally, I’m a mess.
I can hold myself together for a few moments at best.
Life has put me to the test, mental illness has stolen my breath.
Weighing me down like a bullet proof vest.
Not protecting my heart, just bringing me stress.

Loneliness

I find it hard to explain what I’m feeling. Loneliness is very deceiving.
It has me believing, I’m worthless.
I feel it stealing my breathes.
It echos down through the depths of my chest.
Loneliness has put me to the test.
I confess, most of the time I feel alone.
I feel like a stone placed in a mighty river.
The water flows right past.
It notices I’m cracked.
But doesn’t stop to ask.
Loneliness, has a grasp on my thoughts.
It’s stealing minutes off my clock.
Leaving me disoriented and lost.
I no longer can afford this cost.
Of isolation.
It brings me dark temptations.
It stirs the coals of my imagination.
But smoke just rises from the pit.
Loneliness, I’ve had enough of it.
Invisible to those passing me by.
Just wishing someone would stop and say hi.
I stare at my phone for hours just hoping for a reply.
Loneliness has a hold on this guy.
Why do i feel like I have committed a crime.
Doing time is solitary confinement.
Loneliness I’ve study the assignment.
But still I can’t pass.
Guessing on my answers, I may be wrong or right.
I get more confused as day turns to night.
I see smiles all around.
Yet I can only show a frown.
When my head isn’t facing the ground.
I prefer to move without a sound.
Loneliness has taught me to not walk aloud.
For I know I will be noticed, the first few days will bring my hope that I may not be alone.
After a few days there is silence from my phone.
Left hopeless, and alone.
Loneliness shows me my life, and how I spend it on my own.
Even my poems can’t draw anyone near.
As soon as I see light the darkness reappears.
Steering blindly through the curves.
Hearing all the lies in your words.
Loneliness, my mind it does disturb.